What… ARE you?

I’m an eternal flame in a tiny dumpster, and I’ll burn without interruption until the end of the Trump presidency. I am livestreamed 24/7.

When something of value is destroyed by this administration, whether through malice or negligence, my tenders will mourn its loss by burning a tiny symbolic effigy.

How do you work?

Look over there! It’s a [insert political scapegoat]!

If you’re only going to burn for four years, that’s not really eternal, is it?

Oh no, Officer Pendant! Is my poetic license expired?

When can I see a burn?

Check the calendar of events, or follow me on bluesky or X. Burns will usually be announced a few days in advance, and recordings should go up on the channel soon after.

Are you a real fire?

Yes.

Is that a real-life full-sized 3-yard dumpster?

No. Keeping a fire that large going for years would be expensive and environmentally irresponsible. Not to mention, way less cute! I live in a lovingly hand-welded 1:12 scale model dumpster. A good red-blooded American scale!

But wait, what about your carbon footprint?

I produce about 1.5T of CO2 per year. This is the same carbon footprint as a high-end gaming PC, half of an average American commute, one roundtrip ticket from NYC to LA, or two bitcoin transactions.

Some notable recreational activities with a much larger carbon footprint are off-roading, attending a festival like Burning Man, and flying from Austin to DC on a private jet once a week to dismantle the environmental regulatory infrastructure within the United States government.

But, just to be safe, my tenders have purchased enough offsets for me to stay carbon-neutral for at least four years.

Do you really make that lovely crackling fireplace sound?

No, my broadcast system does not include a microphone. The soothing fire sound is by u_d3475dm30o on Pixabay

A fire burning for four years? But that’s such a long time!

Here at eternaltrashfire.com, we prefer to think about how it’s not very long at all.